this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
