Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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