apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
