I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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