True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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