i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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