Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
