guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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