I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
