Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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