I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize