Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
