suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
