the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
