You're so nebulous sometimes
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
