dude i'm inner monologue high
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
