well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
