I am in a vortex of obligation.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
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