You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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