Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
