So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
