Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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