my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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