swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
