She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
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I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She's the barista slut.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
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You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
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