it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
