my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
