the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
