all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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