Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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