Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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