Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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