Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
