Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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