that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
