I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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