You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
