you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
