ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
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Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
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People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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