Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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