I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
