Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
