new low.... made out with someone while peeing
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
