If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
His hands were made for my vagina.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
