What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
