Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
