Sponge bath it is.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
third nipple confirmed
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
