i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
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she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
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I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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