Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
