I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
