Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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