i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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