Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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