Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
