We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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