It's like God shit irony all over that family
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
