tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
