You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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