I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
