there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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