do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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