if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
