Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
