I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
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Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
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A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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