have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
