I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
