Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
