Yo dont text me then not text me
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
