You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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