Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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