You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
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after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
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What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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