My vagina just recognized that song.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
