apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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