I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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