what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
