It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
