Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
