i need an iv and a liver transplant
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
