if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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