Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
