you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
they're like a gay fantastic four
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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