I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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