I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
MIDGETS
????
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
