I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
